


in the twilight of that hazy spring

by jeien



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Insecurity, M/M, Post Act 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:07:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23181445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeien/pseuds/jeien
Summary: Chikage doesn’t mind when Itaru takes initiative in these kinds of activities; in fact, he finds these usually-failing displays of aggression a little cute. But there’s an urgency in Itaru’s movements, toppled furniture in obvious signs of struggle, the corpse of an organization operative mere meters away from them.--Chikage returns home to find the aftermath of a nightmare made real.
Relationships: Chigasaki Itaru/Utsuki Chikage
Comments: 5
Kudos: 103





	in the twilight of that hazy spring

**Author's Note:**

> at first this came about because i was listening to a cover of flamingo and imagined chikage coming home to itaru looking sexy after he killed someone in self-defense but let's face it, itaru's not that cool!!! (only in his dreams) 
> 
> i have no idea what this turned into and i wrote it in like 2 hours when i should've gone to bed but! i hope you enjoy nonetheless.
> 
> title inspired by [this translation of flamingo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKOFK3fVxNA)

He can’t breathe.

Shoved down against the floor of their new apartment, hands desperately trying to rip his blazer and tie and shirt off, slightly chapped lips pressing insistently against his own trying to pry him open—if Chikage didn’t know any better, if he hadn’t carved his shape into the body on top of him night after night, there would have been no stopping his survival instinct.

Chikage doesn’t mind when Itaru takes initiative in these kinds of activities; in fact, he finds these usually-failing displays of aggression a little cute. But there’s an urgency in Itaru’s movements, toppled furniture in obvious signs of struggle, the corpse of an organization operative mere meters away from them.

“Chigasa—Wait for just—!” Ice quickly jolts beneath his skin, dread accompanying it slowly in a thrumming undercurrent. Chikage’s head starts to spin and he tries to breach the surface of all these implications—but Itaru’s lips keep chasing him, keep trying to sink him in the waves of pleasure he’s grown so used to feeling like a trained dog.

He’s drowning.

It takes all his sense to put his hands onto the man atop him and push, gasping for air as he shouts, “ _Itaru_ , I said _wait!_ ” 

The words reach Itaru like a slap to the face, a bullet to his heart that Chikage had been tempted to shoot from the very beginning. Itaru is trembling hard, eyes glazed over with fear. His lazy, silken words are frayed at the edges as he starts to babble, “Senpai, I—I don’t know what to do—I can’t remember but he was trying to grab at me and I just—I…”

This moment is precisely what Chikage had been afraid of.

“Breathe,” Chikage says, both to Itaru and to himself. He reaches out to fold Itaru in his arms, anchor them both in the weight of one another as they lay on the cold wood. They breathe deeply, trying to synchronize their heartbeats into one rhythm with every inhale of the nose and exhale of the mouth.

April’s voice breaks through from the locked vault Chikage kept him behind: _See what happens when you get greedy? I thought you were smarter than this_.

He thought so too.

“Chigasaki,” Chikage calls softly, trying to nudge his lover off. Plans are starting to fire off in his head, contingencies running rampant. He needs to call Dece—Hisoka. He needs to secure a safe place for them to hide, needs to notify their workplaces about sudden leave for personal emergencies, needs to keep Itaru safe now that he has a target on his head. But first. “I need to dispose the body, get o—”

“No,” Itaru says, clinging onto him tightly. Chikage can feel nails digging into his back, reminding him that he nearly lost yet another person precious to him. It doesn’t hurt much and, in a way, that makes him feel worse. “I—You’re not going to come back if I do.”

“That’s not—”

“I know that you always think of not coming back every time you walk out that door!” Itaru takes control of the metaphorical gun, fires it right into his chest. _He’s too wired_ , Chikage thinks to himself. He needs to bring Itaru back down to baseline, but Itaru pulls back and grabs his lapels and yells at him in his adrenaline-induced panic. “Every damn time I have to think about how I can’t rely on Sakuya or Izumi to convince you, how I can’t defend myself enough so you won’t have to worry. Every time, I get scared that this is going to be it, this is the straw that will finally force you out of my life. You have every excuse to disappear right now and I can’t even stop you! I know that I don’t have what it takes to make you stay!” 

It’s natural to lose control, to break facades, to speak hidden truths in these situations. Not even Itaru, for all his efforts in putting together a charming front, is impervious to instinct. He knew that this talk was inevitable, and yet he tried to avoid it as much as he could so he didn’t have to face the reality of his selfishness.

So he could play pretend for just a bit longer.

Chikage wishes it didn’t take a brush with death for this conversation to happen, for Itaru to lay himself bare out of desperation.

“I won’t leave,” Chikage says, thumbing the small blot of blood on Itaru’s cheek.

He receives a huffed laugh, watery and cracked. Wry. The tears that glazed Itaru’s eyes finally fall like the scant raindrops from a leaf once the storm has passed. “You can’t afford to now. Even if you go, they’ll just take me hostage again, hold me over you. I’m your liability.”

April agrees with disdain. _How could you have let things come to this?_

For the first time, Chikage tells him: _Shut up_.

His hand falls from Itaru’s face, gently eases Itaru’s grip to bring scrawny knuckles to his lips as he sits up. “I won’t leave.”

Amidst all the other lies he’s told, all the secrets he’s hidden, this truth had always lurked beneath the rationale, the contingencies. It went unnoticed by April, unnoticed even by Chikage, until now. But at least now, when it really counts, he can say it with earnest. Now, Chikage can press an oath to those bones, hoping that it reaches the liege he’s sworn himself to. “I won’t leave. I promise you, I won’t leave.”

“Kiss me,” Itaru pleads. The adrenaline is finally leaving his voice, but Itaru’s been unraveled by the seams with no clue how to stitch himself back. “Senpai, just kiss me—promise me.”

Chikage bridges the distance between them, prying slightly chapped lips open and whispering vow after vow with every breath he steals.

“I’ll handle everything.”

“I won’t leave.”

“I’ll protect you.”

“I’ll stay.”

**Author's Note:**

> that sure was a thing, wasn't it? thanks for reading that hot mess
> 
> come scream with me on [twitter!](https://www.twitter.com/jeienb)


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